Embracing change, complexity and uncertainty: 35 lessons of Sufi wisdom by Rumi, Shams and Menguc for peacemakers and activists everywhere

A while back my friend Matt told me about a book that changed his life: “No Encounter Is by Chance” by Turkish Sufi author and musician Hakan Menguc.

Written around the mantra: “Fate does not give up people. It is constantly being written and rewritten”, for Matt, it was transformative.

So, of course I had to read it for myself. And well… it didn’t disappoint!

Before meeting Matt, I’d never personally heard of Hakan Menguc (I’m sad to say). But now, I can safely say I’m a fan.

Weaving Sufi teachings of Rumi, his teacher and companion Shams Tabrizi, and Hakan himself and his own Sufi master, this book is insightful, refreshing and engaging.

Menguc takes the reader on a journey through both his own annual pilgrimage In Turkey (with unexpected changes), and more: how to navigate life.

Part narrative story of a specific mini chapter of his life, part self-help book delving into Islamic mysticism, this book inspires, motivates and teaches.

And here’s the best bit: it’s not a book (just) for Muslims. Or even fans of Sufism.

No, not at all.

It’s not a sermon, it’s not a Qur’anic lesson for experts, it’s not an in-depth historical overview of Islamic mysticism for Muslims and history fans alike.

No, the wisdom in this book perfectly encapsulates self-discovery and self-development. All whilst sharing the words and lessons of Sufism’s greatest: Rumi and his master Shams (with a few other names included).

Delving further, the more I read (and sped through this book), the more I through: “I have to write about it”.

Why? Well, I could see just how applicable its teachings are for engaging in intercultural dialogue, interfaith relations and peacekeeping.

They encapsulate the principles of dialogue and the spirit of changemaking,

So here we are. Here’s what this little gem of a book can teach us all.

Read on!

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1. Where there’s unity, there’s also diversity

“Everyone can look in the same direction as you, but not everyone can see what you can see.

Everyone can fall in love, but no one can love like you do. You are what makes it special. And what makes you special is not the person you love, but your love itself.”

(Shams of Tabriz)

2. Timing is everything – have patience

“There is an appropriate time for everything. Everything happens when the time is right.

Neither the rose blooms prematurely, nor the sunrise before the night is over…

We cannot expect ourselves to predict the future. We can pray for the maturity to understand more, to be more sensitive; and most importantly, to be a good observer of life.”

3. Embrace others and the lessons they bring

“No encounter is by chance… Everyone we meet teaches us something.”

4. Set your intention from the offset

“If you start with a pure intent to understand and learn; if you put down your arrogance, you will surely be ready when you encounter wise people who will teach you what you need to know.”

5. Context is everything – no two experiences are identical

“Each journey has its own challenges. However, the difficulties and obstacles waiting ahead are not designed to weaken you.

Their purpose is to educate and mature you.”

6. Respect each other’s unique purpose

“Every living thing, every human being comes to this world with a purpose.

Everyone discovers their purpose as they live through each day. Therefore, when one learns to read and follow the signs, it will lead them to their goal.”

7. It’s what’s on the inside that counts

“Some people have gone to the Kaaba a thousand times, and still have not found their own essence; some people have never stepped out of their village but have a Kaaba in their heart.”

8. Change is necessary – embrace it

“Do not resist the changes that life brings you. Accept them.”

9. Take personal responsibility – you are accountable

“No matter who accompanies you along the way, you should be able to see that there is no one else you can count on other than yourself…

The journey is all about you.”

10. We all learn in varied, different ways

“Some people proceed with wise words and knowledge. Some have to walk the path in person…

Some people learn their lessons along the way.”

11. Don’t expect everything you wish for

“If it is your destiny, you will even learn from an ant.

If it is not your destiny, even if you’ve got the whole world in front of you, it will not teach you anything.”

(Rumi)

12. Real things, real change, takes real effort

“There are no shortcuts to beautiful paths.”

13. Focus on the present – the now

“It is useless to think about what will be waiting for you at the end of the road.”

(Shams)

14. Live and embody – not merely talk of – love

“Trying to describe love in words will not do it justice. Some things cannot be described with words.”

15. Believe in your goals in order to succeed

“…it is not about luck. More precisely, it is about meeting with intentions and a purpose.

When you focus on what you need, you will definitely find it.”

16. Embrace laughter, joy and positivity

“If I had the chance to live my life again, I would be more relaxed. I would live the journey of my life with a child’s playfulness, not with the seriousness of an adult.

I would focus on more real problems and less on imaginary problems… My only goal would be collecting beautiful memories.”

17. We cannot escape our inner demons – fight and extinguish them

“They captured us
they put us in jail.
I’m behind the bars,
with you on the other side.

It is our simple affair.
The worst thing would be
unable to notice,
the prison one carries in themselves.”

(Nazim Hikmet)

18. Empathy builds understanding and shows solidarity

“Of course, everyone knows their own struggles better than anyone…

Although our intentions are good, we cannot interfere with other people’s pain…

I will… work on understanding my child better instead of forcing them to do what I say. And I will never make him feel alone again.”

19. Let go of anger – it may be momentary but it’s harmful

“Anger is like a strong wind, it calms down after a while, but lots of branches are already broken.”

(Rumi)

20. Recognise and release societal biases and prejudices

“Society puts meaningless, irrelevant patterns in our minds. Prejudice is a disease that is strong enough to blind humanity. It is a stubborn germ.

The only way to defeat this germ is through wisdom in our hearts.”

21. Be kind – to yourself and each other

“Acts of kindness heal. This is why wounded people try to heal themselves by helping others…

They forget to be as kind to themselves as they are to others. They forget that they also need to help themselves…

Loving yourself is acceptance.”

22. We are the company we keep – strive for positive connections

“Human beings are the product of the environment they live in.

Whatever those in your environment believe in, after a while, you will be influenced and think them and share the same beliefs of them.

We can become chained by those beliefs without even noticing it.

We all have invisible walls surrounding us that limit our imagination.”

23. Be flexible – it helps you grow

“Flowing water does not hold up algae. Water is adaptable; it has no definite shape.

When you put water into a container, it turns into the shape of whatever it occupies.

Even though it constantly adapts, its nature never changes.

Those who are in harmony with nature always survive because they go with the flow which enhances their potential to grow…

‘Be like the water…’”

24. Don’t pre-judge others – avoid making assumptions

“People are like books. You can only understand its true value by starting to read the pages.

Don’t be fooled by the cover.”

(Rumi)

25. You cannot walk another person’s journey for them – step back and wait

“You cannot interfere in anyone’s fate…

When a person is ready to learn, he will not come back empty-handed.

And the ones who are not ready to learn will now be able to take in the knowledge.”

26. Learn from every situation – even unfulfilled wishes

“If your wish comes true, be grateful. If it does not come true, be grateful nevertheless.”

(Rumi)

27. Serve and help one another (and therefore yourself)

“Like the parched lips searching for water to quench the thirst; the water also searches for the parched lips to fulfil its purpose.”

(Rumi)

28. People are fickle – they may judge and assume regardless

“The reputation and authority you brag about is just an empty dream. Their respect for you is not permanent. It waivers.

Those who glorify you, believed in an illusion.”

(Shams)

29. Believe in moderation – create appropriate boundaries

“Let your relationship with people be like your relationship with fire.

Do not stay too far away or you will freeze, but do not get too close or you will get burned.”

30. Learn from your (and others’) mistakes

“A smart man learns from his own mistakes. The wise man is the one who can learn from the mistakes of others.

Do not be afraid to make mistakes; be afraid to make the same mistake twice.”

31. Develop and learn through loving others

“You cannot find why you are looking for by reading. You will only find it with your heart…

All these words do not replace love. You may learn by reading, but you can only understand the wisdom of life through love…

Love cannot be written by a pen so you cannot find it in books.”

(Shams)

32. Always be true to yourself

“If you agree to change for someone you love, at the very end your love will not survive.”

33. Recognise that there are many kinds of love

“Shams and Rumi saw God in each other’s presence. The friendship they had came from within – a spiritual kind of intimacy.

No earthy explanation would be adequate to express what they shared with each other.

Those who look at this friendship through the eyes of God see love, and those who look through the eyes of man see exaggeration.”

34. Embrace endings as beginnings

“Endings are new beginnings. The end of something always leads to the beginning of something better.

As long as you know how to discover it.”

35. Space, grief and pain offer an opportunity for growth

“Rumi searched everywhere for Shams… There was no sign… Rumi was grieving inside.

Little did he know that this pain was also a gift that would lead him to maturity.

He began writing poems and…letters… to Shams…

Shams eventually returned…”

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Find out more:

If you’ve been inspired by this blog post (and the book):

• Check out 20 Rumi quotes to inspire you to live and love
• Follow Menguc on social media
• Take a look at the book
• Discover practical tips to engage in interreligious dialogue in your community

Thank you Hakan for your work and for inspiring readers across the world.

Who knows the impact it’s had, and continues to…